Elliot smiles but isn´t a happy one. I used to hate but nowadays at this moment in certain aspects, I can see why people might mistake us for twins. We share the same streaks of blonde hair, our cheeks flush identically, and there’s a brown birthmark shaped like a water droplet on both our shoulders. Yet, despite these superficial similarities, the differences between us are profound. In our youth, Elliot was awkward and peculiar, but time has transformed him. His physique now reflects the effects of swimming, and an inexplicable air of maturity surrounds him.
Since he departed for college in New York, I’ve become accustomed to wide-eyed inquiries from curious girls in the school halls about his whereabouts and romantic entanglements. Meanwhile, I remain unchanged. It’s not that I resent my unchanged appearance, I appreciate the nuances of my skin under the sun, the emergence of freckles during Spring, and the subtle contours of my body. My problem isn’t looks, but what´s on the inside because that’s what actually counts, am I right?
- I wanted to be here. – Elliot shrugs, redirecting my attention to the water’s gentle caress against my skin. -This is the last time I’ll see you for a while, so I wanted to say goodbye.
- So goodbye, then. – He playfully nudges my shoulder and remarks – You really are the funny one in the family.
A moment of silence ensues before I say – I’ll be back for Christmas.
- That’s over three months from now. – he points out.
- I’ll go quickly.
- And I’ll miss you every week- he admits, a hint of vulnerability in his eyes. I raise an eyebrow and laugh
- Every week?
He laughs – I was going to say every day, but you’re my sister, so that’s kinda weird. At least once a week or a month, I’ll remember you and think, “Hey, I kinda miss her.”.
- Glad to hear- I reply, shaking my head in disbelief.- If it makes you feel any better, I think I’ll miss home every—he interrupts- Seriously, will you?
He looks at me with a penetrating gaze, and I avoid his eyes. In the distance, a blackbird takes flight, disappearing into the sun.
- I don’t know – my voice barely above a whisper – There’s a part of me that wants to go, to leave all of this behind and start new a new chapter or something like that. And then there’s another part that feels sick to my stomach, like I’d be forgetting all of this, you know? I don’t want to forget, at least I don’t want to forget everything that I lived here.
- That’s fair,- he quickly recovers – You’ve been through a lot, but you know you’d be doing it wrong if you didn’t go. And, let’s be honest, it’s impossible to forget sommerville.
I squint against the sunlight as I look at him, my pulse quickening at the mere thought of her. Trying to change the subject, I remark, – I think I’m going to dye my hair brown.
- You’re kidding, – he laughs. – Don’t you used to say that blondes have more fun?
I scoff, shaking my head. – I’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime.
Elliot smiles but remains silent, and together we gaze out at the lake. As the sun rises, I wonder if he recalls that night – the swirling snowflakes, the frozen roads, the choices made. Does he harbor resentment for my decision? Or does he understand my intent, my concern of well-being for myself?
He’s never blamed me outright. Instead, he treads carefully, avoiding words that might upset me. Even after everything that happened with Daisy, he’s maintained a protective stance. I take a deep breath and meet his eyes.
- Do you think I should go?
He turns to face me, eyes sharp as the water beneath us. – You’d be crazy not to. Hell, Mom would kill you if you didn’t. She’s forgotten she has a son since you got the offer.
– Liar, I laugh. – You’re by far her favourite, with all the money you won from swimming competitions.
– Well, you’re obviously not as smart as everyone thinks- he teases.
Our banter continues, interrupted only by the playful exchange of hits in the water. Despite the levity, a moment of sincerity emerges.
- Just because you’re leaving tomorrow, I’m going to let that one slide- he says – Seriously, blondie you’re going to be fine. I was nervous too when I left for college, and that’s in New York. Woodcreek is in the middle of mountains . literally in the middle of nowhere. You couldn’t be safer. If you don’t count the bears, that is.
I nod, repeating in my mind – I’ll be fine. I have to be.
- Don’t know, I guess I am just afraid of growing up. I always feared this day, because I really didn’t knew what to do with my life and now this day as come and I still don’t know who I want to be, even if I have choose what college I wanna go still I don’t know how to answer that question
As the clouds cover the sun, I look out at the lake, hoping that if I say it enough, it will eventually feel true.
0 comentários